New Year

At my previous diocese, youth were invited to the camp and conference center every Dec. 31 for an event called New Year in the Spirit.

A year in the spirit is a goal of many Christians, including me.  Making myself open to the Holy Spirit always appears on the horizon, seemingly just out of my reach.  How can I stop, slow down, become more aware of God's leading me?  Sometimes, especially recently, there seems to be a gap between where I am and where God needs me to be.  How do I make up the gap?

Emotional intelligence is one answer for me personally.  The more aware I am of what my senses are telling me and the more aware I am of my emotions, the more self aware and centered I am.  But these things are hard for me.  I am a doer most of the time, more so the older I get and more responsibility I have taken on in my work and personal life.

Once, in the late 1990s, God made me aware that my life was being lived without me.  I was not giving 100% to my personal and professional lives, but cruising along.  When I acknowledged that I was not really participating in life, then things began to happen quickly--in both my personal and professional lives.  I made a huge decision to change careers.  I got counseling that, unfortunately, ended my ten-year relationship, but that also brought me real commitment to another person who loves me and whom I love very much.

Change has been challenging, especially at my age, but it has saved my life too.   Keeping aware is hard work.  It requires stopping in the midst of doing and accomplishing tasks.  It requires me to be open to feeling emotional pain as well as joy.  It requires me to be willing to suffer and not run away from myself and the events around me.

If following the spirit requires effort, it also gives life and joy.  If follwoing the spirit challenges me to go outside my  boundaries and comfort zone, it also opens my horizons and has the potential to change my life.

May God keep me close to the spirit, give me the courage to keep aware, this year.