Sabbath

It's cold where I have chosen to have some Sabbath time. The coldest July on record, with temperatures yesterday only in the upper 60's. I wear a jacket on the last day of July!

Sometimes Sabbath can be like this--something that is surprisingly different than normal, that jolts us out of the complacency of life and plonks us down in a new place. This Sabbath for me is beginning to be like this.

I have had a challenging spring and early summer. Conflict. Being called names like Liar. My head has swum with the vehemence of it, the utter unbelievability of how something I wanted to be so positive turned so bitter and accusatory of my very intentions. I intended good and it was perceived as evil. What surprising and hurtful results.

I have questioned myself, lost confidence in my skills, been hurt deeply.

Getting through all that to this coldest of July's is perhaps a perfect gauntlet to run through.

I ask prayers for those who hate me, for myself and my hurt, for their hurt.

I have gone fishing here and caught nothing. Catching nothing is the metaphor for God's calling me forward to my own humility and pain, to be real. God is with me, I feel it, calling me. I have answered one large call and must keep answering that call again and again--keep reasserting that I am responding YES to all that God is creating in me.

This Sabbath has not been easy. When I hear the word Sabbath, I imagine rest and low level activity. Yes there has been that, but also a rending of my heart, catching nothing, being here in the surprising cold, hoping for sunshine.