Patience and all that

I am in a new career, a vocation that calls upon me to let go of the markers of success I was used to gauging myself on. Like the numbers of people who showed up to my classes when I taught, the amount of money (in grants) that I brought in, the number of scholarly articles and books I published.

That measuring stick is now obsolete, but it is truly hard to discard. When I celebrate the Eucharist and look out into the small rural congregation I am serving, I have to use another measure of effectiveness, if indeed "effectiveness" is what my priesthood is all about.

What does it mean to be an effective priest?

I used to teach evaluation to health managers, so effectiveness was very important in measuring the success of patient and health professional outcomes. It usually had something to do with health and access to care, not just any care, but good care, in a timely manner. The right professional for the patient, in terms of cultural accessibility; The right cost to patient and insurance; The right diagnosis, the right treatment administered correctly and in the apppropriate amounts, with the right follow up care. Not only that, but much of my professional life was spent evaluating long-term care for elderly patients and residents of home and nursing home. In those cases, effectiveness may be measured by persons' being able to stay at home for the longest, safest period, being independent in functioning in daily living activities, while having good social supports. The outcomes of long-term care were lots more amorphous than measuring the outcomes of heart surgery.

So, where does this knowledge lead me now, in knowing how I am doing in my new priestly role?

First, head counting won't work in celebrating the Eucharist or being with students. The numbers who show up for any given program say something about its appeal, yes, but what does that mean spiritually? I cannot know really. I need to reflect more on this.

Second, how does one measure another person's spiritual growth from an encounter with them? There are good markers of pastoral work and spiritual direction, based on the professions underlying them. There are boundaries and correct methods of confronting people's defenses to help them engage their issues, both with God, others and themselves and ultimately, with the person who God has made them to be. But even good process does not ensure good spiritual outcomes. Is it all really in God's hands, with our without a priestly presence and guidance??

Third, there are no "outcomes" in spiritual work, in the sense of measurable moments when we can say our work is finished. Spiritual work does not even end with death, but in some ways, is just beginning as we grow in relation to God into eternity. But, surely, that does not mean we give up on looking for spiritual growth around us, in our encounters, does it?

What an effective priest does is a process not primarily an outcome, for me. A process of pastoral presence. Not just sitting in the student center, reading, but making eye contact and saying hello to passers-by, in a way that allows for love to be transmitted to strangers, gently, not accusingly or aggressively. Pastoral work involves the process of listening for the hurt, anger, and distress, as well as the moments of light and love, in a person's life--active listening, it's called. The process is that unconditional love be transmitted to the person. The priest is real, not faking a pious concern. The priest uses psychic energy to stay tuned to the other person, setting aside his/her own agenda for the moments with the other.

Being a priest is sitting with God and simultaneously interpreting God's presence, through other people, as well as through scripture and sacraments. Being a priest is giving up any agenda of control over who shows up, or how God chooses to enter into relationships, or whether God chooses to use the priest at all in relationships. (That's humbling...)

There is much to ponder about priestly effectiveness, and I have only touched the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Family systems in congregations has much to say on the subject, for instance. Stay tuned for more, as I reflect on my first year as a priest over the next few months.